If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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