she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
