i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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