Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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