mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can I color on your dick again?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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