Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
