thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
