if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He felt like a one man threesome
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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