i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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