I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
