that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
