I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
