In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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