guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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