We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize