the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
