I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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