He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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