We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
