alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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