perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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