In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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