theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
