your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
