the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm bleeding and have questions
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
