any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
