That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
