Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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