No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
