So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
