So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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