..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
