Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
