I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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