In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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