literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
