theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're a waste of cheezeits
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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