The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
