don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
