After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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