Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
