of course. lets lasso hookers.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I believe in your delicious
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize