Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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