idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
