he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
True strength comes from lack of pants
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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