Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
