I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
