Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
