I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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