We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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