Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
