I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need a beard to bite.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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