Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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