im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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