So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b