You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering