Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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