i just had sex bonerless
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!