You work out of a Hotel?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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