I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
