turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
