Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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