You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
