I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
