Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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