P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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