So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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