I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
