I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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