She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
