Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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