He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
