I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
