may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
