i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
