I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
