I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
