hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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