It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
