U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
