my phone needs a breathalizer
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
