This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
