I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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