you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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