We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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